Workplace Doctor SAMPLE Archive
Coffee Feel Good
I’ve always loved coffee because I believe it makes people happy and brings people together. So when I started working at a coffee shop last year, it was a perfect match for me. I’ve had many weird or fun experiences since being there but one stood out to me because it felt so special. A regular at the coffee shop came in one day, I had just started and didn’t know who she was. My coworker, and friend, whispered to me that the lady’s husband had very recently passed away and that she is moving to Florida to be closer to her family. I could already tell that this woman was sad without saying anything. We exchanged words and I took her order as I normally would but then came time for her to pay.
She reached down to her purse and pulled out a wallet. But right as she did this, she immediately paused and stared at the wallet. As I’m patiently waiting for her to hand me the credit card, she starts sobbing.
As she’s crying, she apologizes, saying, “I’m so sorry but this was my husband’s wallet.” My coworker, who had known her for years, walks around the counter and hugs the lady as she’s crying. Meanwhile, I’m frozen behind the register because this was one of my first days and I had never experienced a situation like this. After a minute or so, I hear my coworker start to pray with this lady. Although I’m Jewish and not very religious, this touched me so much because this woman was feeling incredibly sad and alone and my friend surrounded her with the support she needed. This is why I love my job because coffee can connect people and give them love when they need it most.
She reached down to her purse and pulled out a wallet. But right as she did this, she immediately paused and stared at the wallet. As I’m patiently waiting for her to hand me the credit card, she starts sobbing.
As she’s crying, she apologizes, saying, “I’m so sorry but this was my husband’s wallet.” My coworker, who had known her for years, walks around the counter and hugs the lady as she’s crying. Meanwhile, I’m frozen behind the register because this was one of my first days and I had never experienced a situation like this. After a minute or so, I hear my coworker start to pray with this lady. Although I’m Jewish and not very religious, this touched me so much because this woman was feeling incredibly sad and alone and my friend surrounded her with the support she needed. This is why I love my job because coffee can connect people and give them love when they need it most.
No Raise Now?
Question to Ask the Workplace Doctors about a verbal warning:
Can a supervisor hold a raise if you were given a verbal warning?
Signed Wondering
Dear Wondering: I’m sure you don’t want an “it depends” answer. You’d like someone to say, “No, that can’t be done!”
Even labor attorneys, that we are not, most likely will hedge saying it depends on state and federal labor laws, the size of your company, if you are unionized, and how raises are determined by your employer. If you had a union, you’d probably know the answer to your question, so I assume you don’t work under a union contract. We provide communication advice, not legal, but here are some thoughts to consider.
Why wonder? Did this warning just happen or was it sometime past and you’ve been wondering if it will affect a raise you expect? Your question implies uncertainty and worry. Are you wondering if your supervisor has blocked your expected raise? If so, you can speak with her/him about this or you can brood about it. And that’s not a happy camper. Isn’t it better to ask for information than to wonder and worry? That is a first option—to talk about what a warning means—its why, its consequence, and its correction.
Something I don’t recommend is a second resource for learning the consequence of a verbal warning is to bypass your supervisor and to go to your Human Resources department. Bypassing will likely be interpreted as making a big deal over something and wanting to question your supervisor’s authority.
Obviously a verbal warning is a preliminary step before a written warning. Yet it means something isn’t going smoothly in your performance. You might see a verbal warning as a signal that you are not on the same page as your supervisor. Why? There are many possible reasons, and it’s common, but unwise, to assume your supervisor is your enemy. Even if that is so, it’s better to help her/him to see you as wanting to succeed—to do well and to earn your raise.
If you feel the warning is unjust, the next step is to be clear as to why. Not coming to work on time or to leaving early is simple to correct. Defective work might be caused by many things: by inadequate training, overload, communication breakdown or inattention to details. No one intends to do poor work.
I don’t know whether you or your supervisor understands the communication rule of thumb: expect to be misunderstood and to misunderstand. Once we understand this rule, we are more tolerant of one another–We know that communication is slippery because words mean different things to different people—so we take the time to repeat, to ask questions, to paraphrase, and to clarify before assuming we understand.
These thoughts may be more than you expect or want, but in sum, this is to suggest that your raise and happiness hinge on singing from the same page in your workplace songbook. Singing your part in harmony with the choir and under the direction of your supervisor doesn’t come naturally. It takes talk about directions and talk about how it is going and practice, practice, guided practice.
One question you might need to ask is: “How well am I doing most of my work and what is my future here? What do I need to do to have a career here or elsewhere?” Seeing your supervisor as a coach rather than as a law officer is something to work for—something that can result from a cooperative attitude and conversation about what needs to be done to make your work contribute to high performance of your work group—and, in short of making supervising easier and her/his job look good.
Feel free to weigh these thoughts and compare them with a coworker you trust. And please update me on what happens. Another source you might consult is [email protected] I would be interested in the answer you might get from her.
Working together with hands, head and heart takes and makes big WEGOS.
Can a supervisor hold a raise if you were given a verbal warning?
Signed Wondering
Dear Wondering: I’m sure you don’t want an “it depends” answer. You’d like someone to say, “No, that can’t be done!”
Even labor attorneys, that we are not, most likely will hedge saying it depends on state and federal labor laws, the size of your company, if you are unionized, and how raises are determined by your employer. If you had a union, you’d probably know the answer to your question, so I assume you don’t work under a union contract. We provide communication advice, not legal, but here are some thoughts to consider.
Why wonder? Did this warning just happen or was it sometime past and you’ve been wondering if it will affect a raise you expect? Your question implies uncertainty and worry. Are you wondering if your supervisor has blocked your expected raise? If so, you can speak with her/him about this or you can brood about it. And that’s not a happy camper. Isn’t it better to ask for information than to wonder and worry? That is a first option—to talk about what a warning means—its why, its consequence, and its correction.
Something I don’t recommend is a second resource for learning the consequence of a verbal warning is to bypass your supervisor and to go to your Human Resources department. Bypassing will likely be interpreted as making a big deal over something and wanting to question your supervisor’s authority.
Obviously a verbal warning is a preliminary step before a written warning. Yet it means something isn’t going smoothly in your performance. You might see a verbal warning as a signal that you are not on the same page as your supervisor. Why? There are many possible reasons, and it’s common, but unwise, to assume your supervisor is your enemy. Even if that is so, it’s better to help her/him to see you as wanting to succeed—to do well and to earn your raise.
If you feel the warning is unjust, the next step is to be clear as to why. Not coming to work on time or to leaving early is simple to correct. Defective work might be caused by many things: by inadequate training, overload, communication breakdown or inattention to details. No one intends to do poor work.
I don’t know whether you or your supervisor understands the communication rule of thumb: expect to be misunderstood and to misunderstand. Once we understand this rule, we are more tolerant of one another–We know that communication is slippery because words mean different things to different people—so we take the time to repeat, to ask questions, to paraphrase, and to clarify before assuming we understand.
These thoughts may be more than you expect or want, but in sum, this is to suggest that your raise and happiness hinge on singing from the same page in your workplace songbook. Singing your part in harmony with the choir and under the direction of your supervisor doesn’t come naturally. It takes talk about directions and talk about how it is going and practice, practice, guided practice.
One question you might need to ask is: “How well am I doing most of my work and what is my future here? What do I need to do to have a career here or elsewhere?” Seeing your supervisor as a coach rather than as a law officer is something to work for—something that can result from a cooperative attitude and conversation about what needs to be done to make your work contribute to high performance of your work group—and, in short of making supervising easier and her/his job look good.
Feel free to weigh these thoughts and compare them with a coworker you trust. And please update me on what happens. Another source you might consult is [email protected] I would be interested in the answer you might get from her.
Working together with hands, head and heart takes and makes big WEGOS.
Suspended Without Pay?
My friend took 2 weeks off work without notice to go on holiday. When she came back, she was told they aren’t paying her for that month and suspended it until next month. is this allowed?
Signed, Friend
Dear Friend: It’s kind of you to be concerned about your friend and to seek advice that might help her. There are several questions posed that must be answered to your question: Is this allowed.? I’m not sure what you mean when you wrote “aren’t paying her for that month and suspended it until next month.” Do you mean she was suspended or that she would not be paid for the time off she took? Danica Rice, one of our Human Resource Guest Respondents, poses the kind questions that need answered in order to answer the big question about suspension.
“With regard to your question. My first question is what state is this in? And the next is what policy is in place to support the suspension? Finally, was the friend/employee aware of this prior to departure or did she just leave? Did she have approval to even leave in the first place? There are so many additional questions that need answered and so much more information that needs to be acquired before one could even attempt to properly respond to this question. This certainly isn’t a quick yes or no answer, unfortunately.”
To make it easier to talk with you about your friend, I’ll use the name Jan. The more important concern for Jan is how she is evaluated regarding job skills and performance, taking responsibility for being on work on time, honesty, and attitude. I encourage you to help Jan to face up to how she is perceived–how long Jan has been employed at this workplace and how well she gets along with her supervisor and coworkers. Although apparently you are not employed where Jan works, you should be able to have a pretty accurate picture of how Jan is viewed by the way she has talked to you about this workplace. If Jan has been suspended probably her talk before as well as after the suspension has been negative. Now if Jan is allowed to return to work, she will be monitored, and if performance and her attitude are not good, you can predict the next matter about which she speaks to you will be being fired and searching for a new job.
Unless Jan works for a company that has a union, the odds are that management can do what is within its own rulebook. Just as an employee can quit when she/he wants, so can management fire if it wants to. Ask the Workplace Doctors wants fairness and cooperation for both those who boss and those who are bossed. Our goal is not to focus on what is allowed or not allowed. Of course, Jan needs to get the facts and reasons for her suspension and to learn if it is supported by the company’s policies and labor laws, but most likely that is not as important as her improving job performance and communication.
Our goal is to provide advice that improves communication between and among employees and management. Foremost that entails asking questions and seeking clarification of job instructions and duties. Working relationships hinge on frequent communication. Talking about how bosses and the boss talk to and about one another is an important step toward making communication clear and cooperative. Whether work is miserable or satisfying depends on good working relationships. Can you help Jan to honestly review what has happened, what she did that resulted in suspension and what to do from now on to prevent that again?
Finally, please understand that we know our advice is not an answer to your question. From afar it is impossible to do more than suggest aspects that should be investigated in order find a way to work through a difficult situation. Guest Respondent Danica Rice emphasizes this when she reflects on her job as an HR specialist. In an additional few words to what she had earlier to your question are: “I am learning that everything in this area doesn’t always need/require an immediate response despite the sense of urgency (that is actually what causes or gets people in trouble). It is important to gather information (many don’t want to take the time to investigate or do due diligence because there’s so much “work” to do). The reality is if we don’t, we could have more “work” on our hands or even worse a lawsuit or face jail time.”
Working together with hands, head, and heart takes and makes big WEGOS. Please let us know how this matter is resolved if you have time. We wish the best possible for your friend and your friendship.
Signed, Friend
Dear Friend: It’s kind of you to be concerned about your friend and to seek advice that might help her. There are several questions posed that must be answered to your question: Is this allowed.? I’m not sure what you mean when you wrote “aren’t paying her for that month and suspended it until next month.” Do you mean she was suspended or that she would not be paid for the time off she took? Danica Rice, one of our Human Resource Guest Respondents, poses the kind questions that need answered in order to answer the big question about suspension.
“With regard to your question. My first question is what state is this in? And the next is what policy is in place to support the suspension? Finally, was the friend/employee aware of this prior to departure or did she just leave? Did she have approval to even leave in the first place? There are so many additional questions that need answered and so much more information that needs to be acquired before one could even attempt to properly respond to this question. This certainly isn’t a quick yes or no answer, unfortunately.”
To make it easier to talk with you about your friend, I’ll use the name Jan. The more important concern for Jan is how she is evaluated regarding job skills and performance, taking responsibility for being on work on time, honesty, and attitude. I encourage you to help Jan to face up to how she is perceived–how long Jan has been employed at this workplace and how well she gets along with her supervisor and coworkers. Although apparently you are not employed where Jan works, you should be able to have a pretty accurate picture of how Jan is viewed by the way she has talked to you about this workplace. If Jan has been suspended probably her talk before as well as after the suspension has been negative. Now if Jan is allowed to return to work, she will be monitored, and if performance and her attitude are not good, you can predict the next matter about which she speaks to you will be being fired and searching for a new job.
Unless Jan works for a company that has a union, the odds are that management can do what is within its own rulebook. Just as an employee can quit when she/he wants, so can management fire if it wants to. Ask the Workplace Doctors wants fairness and cooperation for both those who boss and those who are bossed. Our goal is not to focus on what is allowed or not allowed. Of course, Jan needs to get the facts and reasons for her suspension and to learn if it is supported by the company’s policies and labor laws, but most likely that is not as important as her improving job performance and communication.
Our goal is to provide advice that improves communication between and among employees and management. Foremost that entails asking questions and seeking clarification of job instructions and duties. Working relationships hinge on frequent communication. Talking about how bosses and the boss talk to and about one another is an important step toward making communication clear and cooperative. Whether work is miserable or satisfying depends on good working relationships. Can you help Jan to honestly review what has happened, what she did that resulted in suspension and what to do from now on to prevent that again?
Finally, please understand that we know our advice is not an answer to your question. From afar it is impossible to do more than suggest aspects that should be investigated in order find a way to work through a difficult situation. Guest Respondent Danica Rice emphasizes this when she reflects on her job as an HR specialist. In an additional few words to what she had earlier to your question are: “I am learning that everything in this area doesn’t always need/require an immediate response despite the sense of urgency (that is actually what causes or gets people in trouble). It is important to gather information (many don’t want to take the time to investigate or do due diligence because there’s so much “work” to do). The reality is if we don’t, we could have more “work” on our hands or even worse a lawsuit or face jail time.”
Working together with hands, head, and heart takes and makes big WEGOS. Please let us know how this matter is resolved if you have time. We wish the best possible for your friend and your friendship.
The Doctor Has Blacklisted Me
A question submitted to Ask the Workplace Doctors about negative appraisal she thinks is made of her:
This is not a workplace question. I was working for a doctor where I was the only one doing the work while the other lady just played on the computer or her phone. I finally had enough and left. That might not have been right but the doctor was not going to do anything about it.
So, far now I have not been able to get a job at all. He has put something out there about me and I have absolutely no idea how to find out what it is. He was told by my attorney to stop saying negative things about me but there is still something there. I have put out over 2000 resumes and still nothing. I have knocked on doors and passed out my resume and still nothing. I have 25-30 years in medical and 9 years in dental and still nothing. How do I find out what this man is saying about me? I am just short of moving into my car since I am only living on Social Security.
Signed Something’s Out There
Dear Something’s Out There: You don’t say how long it has been that you have been without a job, but I assume it’s been very long because it would take months to apply and be rejected the 2000 times you say. Even if you mean to say it feels like 2000, even a dozen times should be enough for you to seek advice about your resume, cover letters and phone or person-to-person communication. It’s obvious, although you have not provided hard evidence, that you’ve come to believe your former employer has blacklisted you; however, if that were the case surely your attorney or you would find some evidence of it. We are not private investigators; therefore, if you have written us thinking we might help you discover how your former employer or someone has blocked you from getting a job, you will be disappointed. We don’t want to add to your disappointments.
As I do when some questions bring to mine individuals with appropriate experience, I shared your question anonymously with a woman who is highly respected in the medical community. I can’t know from what you say is your experience or exactly what work you did for the doctor, but I think the appraisal and perspective of this nurse, I know, merits your consideration:
— I think her assessment of what’s going on in her career is definitely ” off the rails” in terms of evaluating the situation.
1. In my extensive nursing leadership experience, physician(s) are notoriously adverse to creating drama and putting out false information (who has the time really?) This does not mean that he may not have given her a less than stellar recommendation – based on her performance. Most physicians would never take a call like that but rather refer to HR or manager w/in the clinic setting. PHYSICIANS AVOID CONFLICT – esp when it comes to staff issues.
2. Also, I wonder if she employed a lawyer to send a letter (cease and desist) . Maybe , maybe not……..if valid complaint – I think a lawyer would have referred a complaint to state medical board for review/ civil complaint filed/……….Perhaps he listened but failed to act. Does she have actual documentation that the physician actually created a negative review of her or her assumption? Also, wonder what she has said about him and the practice? The street goes both ways-
3. Who sends out 2000 resumes – and to whom? even on line, it takes a lot of time to do. That seems so excessive a number – as to be hard to believe. Most rational persons would be asking an objective person (Ask the Workplace Dr ?) or headhunter/coach for an honest assessment of why/ what’s not working- And it should have come after sending out 25- 50 resumes.
4. There is a nursing shortage going on (and getting more pronounced). It begs the question of how she presents herself overall – and experience/ education credentials. Suspect her attitude/victimization/anger is what she presents and no one has the time/ energy or willingness to take this kind of candidate on to the staff. They simply are too much work for outcome
5. Maybe age discrimination is a factor- and even though it’s illegal- it exists and could influence who they hire. Our own experience is quite different ( we’re both in our 70’s and still working and engaged) – so age is not always a factor-but attitude always is. Thank you for asking – Hope my thoughts are helpful
I think this appraisal and advice provides the kind of straight talk that might motivate you to see your situation in a different light and to find counseling from a friend, local community agency or religious source. This is not to imply we know your situation better than you do. Rather it is to feel you suffer and to say we know there is someone out there who is closer to you than we at Ask the Workplace Doctors can be at a distance. Working together with hands, head, and heart takes and makes big WEGOS.
This is not a workplace question. I was working for a doctor where I was the only one doing the work while the other lady just played on the computer or her phone. I finally had enough and left. That might not have been right but the doctor was not going to do anything about it.
So, far now I have not been able to get a job at all. He has put something out there about me and I have absolutely no idea how to find out what it is. He was told by my attorney to stop saying negative things about me but there is still something there. I have put out over 2000 resumes and still nothing. I have knocked on doors and passed out my resume and still nothing. I have 25-30 years in medical and 9 years in dental and still nothing. How do I find out what this man is saying about me? I am just short of moving into my car since I am only living on Social Security.
Signed Something’s Out There
Dear Something’s Out There: You don’t say how long it has been that you have been without a job, but I assume it’s been very long because it would take months to apply and be rejected the 2000 times you say. Even if you mean to say it feels like 2000, even a dozen times should be enough for you to seek advice about your resume, cover letters and phone or person-to-person communication. It’s obvious, although you have not provided hard evidence, that you’ve come to believe your former employer has blacklisted you; however, if that were the case surely your attorney or you would find some evidence of it. We are not private investigators; therefore, if you have written us thinking we might help you discover how your former employer or someone has blocked you from getting a job, you will be disappointed. We don’t want to add to your disappointments.
As I do when some questions bring to mine individuals with appropriate experience, I shared your question anonymously with a woman who is highly respected in the medical community. I can’t know from what you say is your experience or exactly what work you did for the doctor, but I think the appraisal and perspective of this nurse, I know, merits your consideration:
— I think her assessment of what’s going on in her career is definitely ” off the rails” in terms of evaluating the situation.
1. In my extensive nursing leadership experience, physician(s) are notoriously adverse to creating drama and putting out false information (who has the time really?) This does not mean that he may not have given her a less than stellar recommendation – based on her performance. Most physicians would never take a call like that but rather refer to HR or manager w/in the clinic setting. PHYSICIANS AVOID CONFLICT – esp when it comes to staff issues.
2. Also, I wonder if she employed a lawyer to send a letter (cease and desist) . Maybe , maybe not……..if valid complaint – I think a lawyer would have referred a complaint to state medical board for review/ civil complaint filed/……….Perhaps he listened but failed to act. Does she have actual documentation that the physician actually created a negative review of her or her assumption? Also, wonder what she has said about him and the practice? The street goes both ways-
3. Who sends out 2000 resumes – and to whom? even on line, it takes a lot of time to do. That seems so excessive a number – as to be hard to believe. Most rational persons would be asking an objective person (Ask the Workplace Dr ?) or headhunter/coach for an honest assessment of why/ what’s not working- And it should have come after sending out 25- 50 resumes.
4. There is a nursing shortage going on (and getting more pronounced). It begs the question of how she presents herself overall – and experience/ education credentials. Suspect her attitude/victimization/anger is what she presents and no one has the time/ energy or willingness to take this kind of candidate on to the staff. They simply are too much work for outcome
5. Maybe age discrimination is a factor- and even though it’s illegal- it exists and could influence who they hire. Our own experience is quite different ( we’re both in our 70’s and still working and engaged) – so age is not always a factor-but attitude always is. Thank you for asking – Hope my thoughts are helpful
I think this appraisal and advice provides the kind of straight talk that might motivate you to see your situation in a different light and to find counseling from a friend, local community agency or religious source. This is not to imply we know your situation better than you do. Rather it is to feel you suffer and to say we know there is someone out there who is closer to you than we at Ask the Workplace Doctors can be at a distance. Working together with hands, head, and heart takes and makes big WEGOS.
Unfair–First Write-Up in Eleven Years
I have been working at a major corp. in the same position for over 11 years. I recently went on vacation. I work in accounts payable and process invoices. While away, my supervisor and manager were at my desk. They were first there to look for invoices, which at first was normal. While they were there, they noticed some documents in my trash/recycle bin: an old purchase order which I knew was either closed/cancelled zero balance invoices for prepaid inventory (no need to keep it) A few other documents which I later explained to them I did not need.Then they stated that there was a pile of unlabeled invoices on my desk that caused confusion when they went to look for another invoice because they had no idea what these invoices were there for. Now, right before I left for vacation I worked on a special project for someone who needed copies of those invoices and I just didn’t have time to file them back in their proper place before leaving. I didn’t think that was too much of a big deal. They also stated that my daily count of invoices was off by 30 after they went through my actual number.
My supervisor and manager took these pieces of info and went straight to human resources without even talking to me first!
Now, like I said have been here for over 11 years and I have never had a complaint from anyone whose invoices I process. My invoices go toward paying new store construction and renovation so it’s very time-sensitive… not one complaint. In looking at the big picture, everything that they are complaining about has not affected my ability to do my job! When I asked other people if they throw out invoices, they say, “Of course! I do it all the time!” Now they said because of the severity of these violations I am to receive a written warning! I just don’t think that’s fair. Why not start with at least a verbal and give me a chance to improve?
Signed-Not Fair Write-up
Dear Not Fair Write-up: Eleven years with not one complaint! That’s a very good record. But now you feel being written up, although you can understand at least partly why, is unfair. Your frustration is understandable. Is what you are blamed for doing and/or not doing serious? Were you informed about this sort of mistake in your training? Is there a procedure to prevent what you are accused of? Is discipline partly right or is it unfair because this is your first complaint and you feel the supervisor and manager should have come to you before going to HR? Is there harm done by not filing the invoices?
What is important is now how you react to this write up? The natural thing is to tell someone. You might have told someone already or will talk with your coworkers about it. You might gossip about how you feel your supervisor and manager were unfair. I recommend the less of that the better. Also don’t say to you supervisor that coworkers throw away their invoices or don’t make the count expected. The best person to talk about this is to your immediate supervisor–guard against venting. As much as possible put yourself in her/his shoes and seek to understand why and if what you did/didn’t do occurred. Also be willing to pledge it will not happen again and talk about what can prevent it? I’ve observed that most write ups could have been prevented if proper training and procedures were in effect.
Employees usually are asked to sign a written warning to indicate they read it and also they are allowed to add their comments. I suggest you add the kind of comments you sent us in remarks to your write-up–pointing out:
From a distance, I predict that this write up will soon be forgotten if you don’t allow it to play like a cracked record in your head. To avoid that, one exercise I recommend is to count the good feelings you have in the workday. When you help a coworker, when you know a customer will be pleased with a prompt reply, when your boss appreciates you come in early with a cheerful hello, etc. Good feelings are what makes the day go better. Do any of these thoughts make sense? I hope so. If not, at least they are free. If you scan our Q&As about write ups, you will find other employees also feel they are unfair. My best to you today and tomorrow. Working together with hands, head and heart takes and makes big WEGOS.
My supervisor and manager took these pieces of info and went straight to human resources without even talking to me first!
Now, like I said have been here for over 11 years and I have never had a complaint from anyone whose invoices I process. My invoices go toward paying new store construction and renovation so it’s very time-sensitive… not one complaint. In looking at the big picture, everything that they are complaining about has not affected my ability to do my job! When I asked other people if they throw out invoices, they say, “Of course! I do it all the time!” Now they said because of the severity of these violations I am to receive a written warning! I just don’t think that’s fair. Why not start with at least a verbal and give me a chance to improve?
Signed-Not Fair Write-up
Dear Not Fair Write-up: Eleven years with not one complaint! That’s a very good record. But now you feel being written up, although you can understand at least partly why, is unfair. Your frustration is understandable. Is what you are blamed for doing and/or not doing serious? Were you informed about this sort of mistake in your training? Is there a procedure to prevent what you are accused of? Is discipline partly right or is it unfair because this is your first complaint and you feel the supervisor and manager should have come to you before going to HR? Is there harm done by not filing the invoices?
What is important is now how you react to this write up? The natural thing is to tell someone. You might have told someone already or will talk with your coworkers about it. You might gossip about how you feel your supervisor and manager were unfair. I recommend the less of that the better. Also don’t say to you supervisor that coworkers throw away their invoices or don’t make the count expected. The best person to talk about this is to your immediate supervisor–guard against venting. As much as possible put yourself in her/his shoes and seek to understand why and if what you did/didn’t do occurred. Also be willing to pledge it will not happen again and talk about what can prevent it? I’ve observed that most write ups could have been prevented if proper training and procedures were in effect.
Employees usually are asked to sign a written warning to indicate they read it and also they are allowed to add their comments. I suggest you add the kind of comments you sent us in remarks to your write-up–pointing out:
- This is the first one you have gotten–in 11 years you have had not one complaint.
- Explain that “right before I left for vacation I worked on a special project for someone who needed copies of those invoices and I just didn’t have time to file them back in their proper place before leaving.”
- Until now you have maintained the expected count of invoices.
- You hope in the future you supervisor and/or manager will coming to you before going first to H. R.
From a distance, I predict that this write up will soon be forgotten if you don’t allow it to play like a cracked record in your head. To avoid that, one exercise I recommend is to count the good feelings you have in the workday. When you help a coworker, when you know a customer will be pleased with a prompt reply, when your boss appreciates you come in early with a cheerful hello, etc. Good feelings are what makes the day go better. Do any of these thoughts make sense? I hope so. If not, at least they are free. If you scan our Q&As about write ups, you will find other employees also feel they are unfair. My best to you today and tomorrow. Working together with hands, head and heart takes and makes big WEGOS.
National Origin Discrimination Caused Me To Leave
Question to Ask the Workplace Doctors about discrimination:
Hi, I work in LA and started this position in November. There were some spats at work between my manager, me and my admin. My admin had brought up my national origin multiple times about which I complained to my manager without any result. Then, my admin was laid off and my manager gave me work including some that were not my responsibility. I messaged my manager that there was some tasks I couldn’t allocate my time towards, yet I continued doing it for 3 months.
I then forwarded the same email to the HR and my manager and told them that it is difficult for me to handle all this. The HR just pushed the issue back to my manager to resolve and my manager again brought up “how I am lucky to be in the US and I should tolerate small things like this”.
I found an email on his computer (while I was using his laptop to send a file to myself) where he had forwarded that same email to another manager saying “this is the reason why I am forcing his a** out”. I have that email with me. I feel he had some biased against me based on my national origin.
So, I actually ended up leaving the job. I have had excellent reviews from previous managers but this manager just didn’t like me since I started working with him. Would you suggest I work with a lawyer to file a lawsuit against the company?
Signed–Biased Against Me
Dear Biased Against Me: Our site answers workplace communication questions and yours certainly is that, but we recommend those that are legal to consult with an attorney. You asked: “Would you suggest I work with a lawyer to file a lawsuit against the company?”
You say, “So, I actually ended up leaving the job.” Therefore, I assume leaving was your choice. Did you just not return one day or did you give an oral or written notice that you were quitting at a certain date? And did you state why you were quitting? Discrimination cases are best handled in cases of being fired and/or unfair practice while employed. These are details an attorney probably would want to know. They also should help determine if you have a case. Generally, a discrimination charge is one that Human Resources should investigate and require it is stopped. That is an employer’s responsibility when informed. If you employer was within federal and/or state requirements, a discrimination case should be reported to the Equal Opportunity Office. Did you request that? Outside the EEO, an attorney for such a case should take it on contingency and, in writing, should state what if any fees you are expected to pay.
However, before consulting a lawyer, I also suggest you think through and learn from this unhappy experience. Apparently from the start there was trouble between you and your superiors. You say there were “spats at work between my manager, me and my admin.” What were these about–what exactly was said? What provoked them and why do you think your administrator mentioned your national origin. Was it because you disagreed about assignments or didn’t understand or interrupted or a combination of these?
Unfortunately there is national origin discrimination and you were right to call that to the attention of your manager and H.R. Do you have record of when you did that and if you repeated that. What was the last specific instance that resulted in you leaving. Seeing that things are made right often requires patience and persistence.
I take your word that in previous employment reviews have been positive, then why did you seek employment in this place? When you took this job, were you given a clear job description and did you have any question about its culture? So is this a time of job search for you and, if so, can you benefit from this unhappy experience you’ve had? Now is a time not to allow this bad experience to sour you. The issue for you to ponder is how to approach your future with determination to add value in your next job–both by your performance and positive attitude. Working together with hands, head, and heart takes and makes big WEGOS–in short working life is interdependent. Hopefully, from now on it will be purposeful and pleasant. Please keep us posted as to what you elect to do and how that works out.
Hi, I work in LA and started this position in November. There were some spats at work between my manager, me and my admin. My admin had brought up my national origin multiple times about which I complained to my manager without any result. Then, my admin was laid off and my manager gave me work including some that were not my responsibility. I messaged my manager that there was some tasks I couldn’t allocate my time towards, yet I continued doing it for 3 months.
I then forwarded the same email to the HR and my manager and told them that it is difficult for me to handle all this. The HR just pushed the issue back to my manager to resolve and my manager again brought up “how I am lucky to be in the US and I should tolerate small things like this”.
I found an email on his computer (while I was using his laptop to send a file to myself) where he had forwarded that same email to another manager saying “this is the reason why I am forcing his a** out”. I have that email with me. I feel he had some biased against me based on my national origin.
So, I actually ended up leaving the job. I have had excellent reviews from previous managers but this manager just didn’t like me since I started working with him. Would you suggest I work with a lawyer to file a lawsuit against the company?
Signed–Biased Against Me
Dear Biased Against Me: Our site answers workplace communication questions and yours certainly is that, but we recommend those that are legal to consult with an attorney. You asked: “Would you suggest I work with a lawyer to file a lawsuit against the company?”
You say, “So, I actually ended up leaving the job.” Therefore, I assume leaving was your choice. Did you just not return one day or did you give an oral or written notice that you were quitting at a certain date? And did you state why you were quitting? Discrimination cases are best handled in cases of being fired and/or unfair practice while employed. These are details an attorney probably would want to know. They also should help determine if you have a case. Generally, a discrimination charge is one that Human Resources should investigate and require it is stopped. That is an employer’s responsibility when informed. If you employer was within federal and/or state requirements, a discrimination case should be reported to the Equal Opportunity Office. Did you request that? Outside the EEO, an attorney for such a case should take it on contingency and, in writing, should state what if any fees you are expected to pay.
However, before consulting a lawyer, I also suggest you think through and learn from this unhappy experience. Apparently from the start there was trouble between you and your superiors. You say there were “spats at work between my manager, me and my admin.” What were these about–what exactly was said? What provoked them and why do you think your administrator mentioned your national origin. Was it because you disagreed about assignments or didn’t understand or interrupted or a combination of these?
Unfortunately there is national origin discrimination and you were right to call that to the attention of your manager and H.R. Do you have record of when you did that and if you repeated that. What was the last specific instance that resulted in you leaving. Seeing that things are made right often requires patience and persistence.
I take your word that in previous employment reviews have been positive, then why did you seek employment in this place? When you took this job, were you given a clear job description and did you have any question about its culture? So is this a time of job search for you and, if so, can you benefit from this unhappy experience you’ve had? Now is a time not to allow this bad experience to sour you. The issue for you to ponder is how to approach your future with determination to add value in your next job–both by your performance and positive attitude. Working together with hands, head, and heart takes and makes big WEGOS–in short working life is interdependent. Hopefully, from now on it will be purposeful and pleasant. Please keep us posted as to what you elect to do and how that works out.
Leads for Leadership Training
My boss asked me to incorporate leadership training into our Conference department to help benefit the team as a whole. I was eager to begin working on this, as I reflect back to my college experiences and the organizations I was involved in. I am referencing team building activities I learned, and I’ve also started reading books to help lead me in the right direction for my team.
I’m starting with Value-Added Attitude and Action to help introduce a more family based approach to leadership within my conferences team. Your Time Capsules, Working for the Best, and TeamTrainer: Tools and Tactics are next on my list. I’m only a few chapters in, and have already made notes and marks to share with my group. I’m fascinated and disappointed at the same time – Fascinated by your research and words of wisdom about the work place, and your perspective on complicated issues; Disappointed in myself that I’m just now reading these books five years after learning about them in college.
I hope to bring these ideas and concepts to my workplace. We’re only a 30 person company, but I think if we can start small with the Conferences team (4 people), and then maybe we can branch out and change the whole company. This was just want I needed, as I was beginning to feel like I was starting to dig a rut in my career – but this charge by my boss as sparked me to better my company and see what I can do.
I’m keeping moderate expectations so I don’t get discouraged, but I know in the end I’ll get more out of it personally than anything. Thank you for reminding me that I can attempt to change the world, even if it starts with my team of 3 other co-workers.
Signed Leadership Headed
Dear Leadership Headed: You have recently been challenged by your foresighted boss to build leadership training in the Conference Department. I see on your Internet home page that your media company is actually several companies.
I sense you are at a stage of seeking clarification–Clarifying what that means to your boss is a beginning point, and gradually learning what his/her definition of leadership training means will come as you share with him what it might mean to your team.
So mapping that out can be a collaborative process of invention.
My advice is not to think in terms of leadership training in general, but rather as to how it might be integrated in your current and future Conferences that you plan, such as how companies in a specific field of one of your several companies train and develop leaders.
Also explore what leadership trainers might make conference presentations from outside a particular field. This is a form of bench-marking leadership training. Your companies can learn by seeing what others are doing both in different fields and by those of us who train in organizational dynamics. What my partner, Johnny Miller, and I did for General Electric is one example. What my associate workplace doctor, Tina Lewis Rowe, does for police departments and city government is another. She speaks to many conferences. Leadership training is integral to any company’s workforce management planning. My study of and on site visit to Union Carbide informed me of how that company responded to the chemical spill disaster in India. It is story of corporate leadership. These are the kind of suggestion we have given to similar questions that have come to Ask the Workplace Doctors.
My best as you become leadership training mindful. Please update us on you’re you do. Working together with hands, head and heart takes and makes big WEGOS.
I’m starting with Value-Added Attitude and Action to help introduce a more family based approach to leadership within my conferences team. Your Time Capsules, Working for the Best, and TeamTrainer: Tools and Tactics are next on my list. I’m only a few chapters in, and have already made notes and marks to share with my group. I’m fascinated and disappointed at the same time – Fascinated by your research and words of wisdom about the work place, and your perspective on complicated issues; Disappointed in myself that I’m just now reading these books five years after learning about them in college.
I hope to bring these ideas and concepts to my workplace. We’re only a 30 person company, but I think if we can start small with the Conferences team (4 people), and then maybe we can branch out and change the whole company. This was just want I needed, as I was beginning to feel like I was starting to dig a rut in my career – but this charge by my boss as sparked me to better my company and see what I can do.
I’m keeping moderate expectations so I don’t get discouraged, but I know in the end I’ll get more out of it personally than anything. Thank you for reminding me that I can attempt to change the world, even if it starts with my team of 3 other co-workers.
Signed Leadership Headed
Dear Leadership Headed: You have recently been challenged by your foresighted boss to build leadership training in the Conference Department. I see on your Internet home page that your media company is actually several companies.
I sense you are at a stage of seeking clarification–Clarifying what that means to your boss is a beginning point, and gradually learning what his/her definition of leadership training means will come as you share with him what it might mean to your team.
So mapping that out can be a collaborative process of invention.
My advice is not to think in terms of leadership training in general, but rather as to how it might be integrated in your current and future Conferences that you plan, such as how companies in a specific field of one of your several companies train and develop leaders.
Also explore what leadership trainers might make conference presentations from outside a particular field. This is a form of bench-marking leadership training. Your companies can learn by seeing what others are doing both in different fields and by those of us who train in organizational dynamics. What my partner, Johnny Miller, and I did for General Electric is one example. What my associate workplace doctor, Tina Lewis Rowe, does for police departments and city government is another. She speaks to many conferences. Leadership training is integral to any company’s workforce management planning. My study of and on site visit to Union Carbide informed me of how that company responded to the chemical spill disaster in India. It is story of corporate leadership. These are the kind of suggestion we have given to similar questions that have come to Ask the Workplace Doctors.
My best as you become leadership training mindful. Please update us on you’re you do. Working together with hands, head and heart takes and makes big WEGOS.
What About Trash in the Woman’s Restroom?
I am a hygienist in a warehouse and the issue I am having is female toilet hygiene. We have paper hand towels with a bin provided for disposal of said towels. We have sanitary bins for disposal of sanitary wear. And if course there is toilet paper. Which should be put in the toilet and flushed away after use. But this is not the case.
There are a number of women who are placing toilet paper and hand towels in the sanitary bins. Consequently filling them up within a day of them being emptied, leaving other colleagues with no option but to either leave sanitary wear on top of the sanitary bins or place them in the general waste bin. Neither of these options are acceptable.
Myself and the management team have put together a 4 page brief on toilet hygiene, which was briefed out to all women across all shifts, but the issues still continues. Do you have any advice on solving this issue?
Our Response:
Isn’t it a shame that adult women have to be given four pages of instruction about being a decent and mature human when it comes to trash in a bathroom? You can bet they know what to do with their tissue and other trash at home.
However, human nature being what it is, the very fact that you and “management” has briefed them about trash disposal measures, is probably enough to make some of them rebel.
I will provide some thoughts here and will add to it if you respond to the email I sent you, asking for some detailed information. I asked: 1.) Where are each of the various trash receptacles located in the restroom? 2.) How many women are potentially using the restroom? 3.) Are many of the employees from cultures in which trash is not separated in that way? 4.) I didn’t ask, but meant to ask: Do you know who the women are who are leaving the trash in the wrong receptacles or do you have an idea who it is?
In most business and public restrooms, the bin for sanitary napkins is in the toilet stall. Thus, someone would have to go out of their way to put paper hand towels in them. On the other hand, the bin for paper towels is near the sinks, so someone would have to go out of their way to put toilet tissue and feminine items in them. If either of those are happening, it indicates antagonism toward the hygiene policy or an effort by disgruntled employees to to make things unpleasant at work. So, this certainly is an issue that should be handled without unnecessary delay.
First, consider this question: “What difference does it make where employees put their trash, toilet tissue and feminine items?” You may have covered that in detail in the directive you gave to employees. In your letter to us, you referred to the issue of filling up the trash bins. If you have other reasons and they haven’t been stated, have an answer that covers odors, the creation of waste clutter in the bathroom, the extra work for a custodian, and the concern that if one or more employees are so unhappy with work that they would purposely violate that policy, then they may be a risk in other ways as well. You may not want to write that, but you can say it, as you talk to individuals and groups.
Next, talk with HR and management and decide what they will do if they identify the people who are choosing to violate directives about it. If there will be no negative repercussions, most people will not care whether they are caught doing it, so they will continue. Someone who cares won’t be doing it wrong in the first place.
My feeling is that someone who is putting used toilet tissue anywhere except in the toilet, even after being told to the right way, should be fired. Feces and urine soaked into tissue is still feces and urine and the idea that someone would put repeatedly put that in the trash indicates they should not be in a well-managed workplace.
That decision about what to do if someone deliberately does the wrong thing is an important one, because it has an affect on everything else employees may decide they want to do, just to be spiteful. For example, what will happen if, instead of putting sanitary items in the trash, they start flushing them down the stools or rinsing them in the sinks and leaving them there. (I’ve know of both of those things happening.)
My first suggestion has to do with the way trash is handled. Maybe you should just get bigger trash bins.
My first suggestion will not be easy to implement, if there are a very large number of employees. If you can easily get female employees into groups of five or so, to not crowd the restroom, take one group at a time into the restroom and have each employee point to where the various items should be placed for disposal. Start that short session by telling them reason there is a concern about it. Ask each one if they can think of a good reason for disposing of the items in places other than they just pointed out. If they have a reason, respond to it, then reaffirm that it’s not up to them to decide. Finally, get a verbal commitment from each employee that they understand and will dispose of items properly. All you have to do is ask each one: Will you promise to put your trash items in the correct receptacles that you just pointed out?
A supervisor told me about having a session like that, with the six or so women in their office. She said she was glad I suggested it, because after going through the first part, during which everyone acted as though they were completely in agreement, she asked each person, “Do you promise to flush the toilet after you use it and to put your trash items in the correct receptacles from now on?” Each person said yes, except one woman who said, “Wellllll, I can’t really promise, because you know, sometimes I’m in a hurry or I forget or something like that.”
Every woman there pounced on her and said she had better promise because they were tired of the mess. It gave the supervisor a good opportunity to say that the manager had decided that if an employee couldn’t be depended upon for that basic a task, they couldn’t be depended upon for anything and he would consider dismissal. She then told the employee that it wasn’t up to her to decide and that she was being directed to do it. With that much pressure, the restroom never was left dirty again.
If the number of employees is too large to take them into the restroom in small groups, take a photo of the restroom with a picture of the receptacles and go through it at their desks. You can even say, at the beginning, that you regret having to take that approach, but you have a responsibility to make sure healthy practices are followed.
There are a number of women who are placing toilet paper and hand towels in the sanitary bins. Consequently filling them up within a day of them being emptied, leaving other colleagues with no option but to either leave sanitary wear on top of the sanitary bins or place them in the general waste bin. Neither of these options are acceptable.
Myself and the management team have put together a 4 page brief on toilet hygiene, which was briefed out to all women across all shifts, but the issues still continues. Do you have any advice on solving this issue?
Our Response:
Isn’t it a shame that adult women have to be given four pages of instruction about being a decent and mature human when it comes to trash in a bathroom? You can bet they know what to do with their tissue and other trash at home.
However, human nature being what it is, the very fact that you and “management” has briefed them about trash disposal measures, is probably enough to make some of them rebel.
I will provide some thoughts here and will add to it if you respond to the email I sent you, asking for some detailed information. I asked: 1.) Where are each of the various trash receptacles located in the restroom? 2.) How many women are potentially using the restroom? 3.) Are many of the employees from cultures in which trash is not separated in that way? 4.) I didn’t ask, but meant to ask: Do you know who the women are who are leaving the trash in the wrong receptacles or do you have an idea who it is?
In most business and public restrooms, the bin for sanitary napkins is in the toilet stall. Thus, someone would have to go out of their way to put paper hand towels in them. On the other hand, the bin for paper towels is near the sinks, so someone would have to go out of their way to put toilet tissue and feminine items in them. If either of those are happening, it indicates antagonism toward the hygiene policy or an effort by disgruntled employees to to make things unpleasant at work. So, this certainly is an issue that should be handled without unnecessary delay.
First, consider this question: “What difference does it make where employees put their trash, toilet tissue and feminine items?” You may have covered that in detail in the directive you gave to employees. In your letter to us, you referred to the issue of filling up the trash bins. If you have other reasons and they haven’t been stated, have an answer that covers odors, the creation of waste clutter in the bathroom, the extra work for a custodian, and the concern that if one or more employees are so unhappy with work that they would purposely violate that policy, then they may be a risk in other ways as well. You may not want to write that, but you can say it, as you talk to individuals and groups.
Next, talk with HR and management and decide what they will do if they identify the people who are choosing to violate directives about it. If there will be no negative repercussions, most people will not care whether they are caught doing it, so they will continue. Someone who cares won’t be doing it wrong in the first place.
My feeling is that someone who is putting used toilet tissue anywhere except in the toilet, even after being told to the right way, should be fired. Feces and urine soaked into tissue is still feces and urine and the idea that someone would put repeatedly put that in the trash indicates they should not be in a well-managed workplace.
That decision about what to do if someone deliberately does the wrong thing is an important one, because it has an affect on everything else employees may decide they want to do, just to be spiteful. For example, what will happen if, instead of putting sanitary items in the trash, they start flushing them down the stools or rinsing them in the sinks and leaving them there. (I’ve know of both of those things happening.)
My first suggestion has to do with the way trash is handled. Maybe you should just get bigger trash bins.
My first suggestion will not be easy to implement, if there are a very large number of employees. If you can easily get female employees into groups of five or so, to not crowd the restroom, take one group at a time into the restroom and have each employee point to where the various items should be placed for disposal. Start that short session by telling them reason there is a concern about it. Ask each one if they can think of a good reason for disposing of the items in places other than they just pointed out. If they have a reason, respond to it, then reaffirm that it’s not up to them to decide. Finally, get a verbal commitment from each employee that they understand and will dispose of items properly. All you have to do is ask each one: Will you promise to put your trash items in the correct receptacles that you just pointed out?
A supervisor told me about having a session like that, with the six or so women in their office. She said she was glad I suggested it, because after going through the first part, during which everyone acted as though they were completely in agreement, she asked each person, “Do you promise to flush the toilet after you use it and to put your trash items in the correct receptacles from now on?” Each person said yes, except one woman who said, “Wellllll, I can’t really promise, because you know, sometimes I’m in a hurry or I forget or something like that.”
Every woman there pounced on her and said she had better promise because they were tired of the mess. It gave the supervisor a good opportunity to say that the manager had decided that if an employee couldn’t be depended upon for that basic a task, they couldn’t be depended upon for anything and he would consider dismissal. She then told the employee that it wasn’t up to her to decide and that she was being directed to do it. With that much pressure, the restroom never was left dirty again.
If the number of employees is too large to take them into the restroom in small groups, take a photo of the restroom with a picture of the receptacles and go through it at their desks. You can even say, at the beginning, that you regret having to take that approach, but you have a responsibility to make sure healthy practices are followed.